The April List aka May Musings aka Not the End

Spring in Michigan. It’s always fickle, but I do think we’re done with 30 degree temps until fall (or winter. you just never know).

I started this blog in 2013 as a way to catalog and process my very emotional move from San Francisco to Grosse Pointe, Michigan. April marked eight years since the move, and this fall will mark eight years in this house, which will make it the place I’ve lived in the longest. I’ve lived in 2 countries, 5 States, 7 cities, 2 dorm rooms, 14 apartments and 4 houses. Even though some of these moves were out of my control, I think it’s safe to say that it’s in my nature to change things up.

My sister and me, somewhere in Europe (Spain?)

Creatively, I’m forever moving as well. As I kid, I drew and drew and drew. In my 20s I painted and later I turned to songwriting. Then I sang my own songs and after that I sang someone else’s songs and then I turned to writing and then photography and so on and so on and so on. I used to think I jumped around so much because I hadn’t yet found my creative calling. Now I’m seeing that I wasn’t searching. I was listening to my creative voice and doing exactly what I needed to be doing during these certain phases and moments of time in my life. I’ve come to respect that I’m simply the type of creative that moves from one thing to the next, with each stop evolving in it’s own beautiful way. All of these things, they were all my calling, and that’s pretty amazing (yay me).

The last handful (the last year, to be honest) of posts have felt strained and rushed, always looming like unfinished chores that you know need to get done, but don’t want to do. And of course the whole reason for this blog – the newness and excitement and anxiety of moving to a new home – has dissipated.

Speaking of home. Grosse Pointe and I have come to a mutual understanding. I don’t think this town will ever quite fully embrace me with open arms (or me, it?) and I’m genuinely at peace with that after eight years of fighting it. I’m not talking about the number of reasons why I love Michigan and Grosse Pointe or the many lovely, lovely people I have met thus far. I mean on a broader, spiritual level. Hawaii is home because it’s where I spent most of my childhood and where most of my family still lives and because when you grow up with Hawaii’s culture and people…. it stays with you, so there is a lot of big love and emotion tied to my Hawaii home. And San Francisco. It will always be my heart’s home. It’s where I learned critical life lessons, met the most incredible people and forged the deepest friendships, where I truly grew into myself, found myself, became myself. To say I left my heart in San Francisco is painfully true. But it’s also the place where I found love, and that love brought us all the way here to Grosse Pointe, and in spite of our differences (mine and Grosse Pointe’s) I’m happy. For now. (Ha! No, we have no plans on moving yet again, but only the future knows what the future holds).

Mom and P, visiting/paying respects to Hawaii relatives at the cemetery.

SO, the monthly lists as they have been, have come to an end (sorry Mom, Jen and Barb!). I have lots to say and books and podcasts and puzzles to recommend and experiences to share and dumb things to ponder over and blab about, but I’m not needing to put it out into the universe right now and especially not on a schedule.

I don’t know what’s next, but I’m making space for it. By saying no (hurray!), by being more present inside of myself (and listening to that voice) and with others and with my surroundings. I’ll be super busy with all things bookstore very soon. If you’re in the area, please come by and say hi (and also please buy something!!) this fall when we open.

I loved this space for me and the purpose it served and I’m sure I’ll jump back on here now and again to tell you something or other. Until then, be your wonderful selves. Cheers and talk soon (ish).

7 thoughts on “The April List aka May Musings aka Not the End

  1. Hi, I’ve enjoyed each and every one of your postings….I have no idea how I happened years ago to stumble across your writings. Perhaps it was my mother’s front red door back in 2013. Regardless, I just wanted to say something to you in case you do cease, that I have really liked.

    Liked by 1 person

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