I’m breaking with tradition for The June List. Many things happened in June: I finally went to Shewolf restaurant (a prelude to the New Kids on the Block Concert), summer weather showed up, as did a deer in our backyard, my sister came to visit and I started my new job. But I’m on vacation and need a change of pace. So I give you The June List with a Twist: 12 Truths.

1)  I have a love-hate relationship with The List.

I started this blog to catalog my journey of moving cross-country with my family and starting over in a new town. When I began working part time, it got harder to keep up with and it morphed into a monthly list of 12 points of interest/happenings/etc.  It’s a personal challenge to write the list each month (I mean, once a month is nothing, right? Seemingly).

Most of the time it’s kind of a pain, except for when I’m done and then it’s super satisfying.

2)  I hate all bugs and creepy things.

Do not count on me in a zombie apocalypse or any apocalypse for that matter or any crisis that involves bugs or creepy things. I will not come through for you. I spent 15 minutes trying to get two spiders, a cricket and a black beetle out of the kayak before going on my morning ride today (the beetle crawled into one of the holes in the backrest and wouldn’t come out, even after much shaking and poking with a stick). My exasperated husband came down and propped the kayak against a tree and hit it, showing me all was well. I didn’t believe him, but got into the kayak anyway, to show my bravery.

3)  INFJ all the way.

About 20 years I took a Myers Briggs test and I am up as an INFJ. I took another test last month for a work exercise and it spat out the same result. Out of all the people who take Myers Briggs, less than 2% of that population comes up with this configuration. Supposedly we are intuitive and can read people well, so I’m going to work on trusting my instincts.

4)  Do not let me drink anything other than champagne, tequila or the occasional glass of red wine.

No explanation needed. I have happily found an bottle of bubbly from Trader Joes that is pretty smooth and not too sweet and very inexpensive, which is great for me because I can never finish the bottle before it goes flat (I just Googled it and found it scored 90 points from Wine Enthusiast. Glad they agree).

5)  I’ve been putting off reading “Searching for Sunday.”

I’ve known about this book for years, have heard of it’s beautiful life-changing a-ha moments, but I’ve been putting off reading it because it will force me to go back into my past and how I felt the Baptist church did wrong by me in many ways, and I’m not super excited to relive that, but the book’s young author, Rachel Held Evans, recently died and people are talking about her and her books again, so I decided to buy the book in her honor and go for it. I’ll keep you posted.

6)  Forgiveness is a skill I have yet to master.

Thinking about “Searching for Sunday” makes me think about forgiveness. It’s a skill, a process, a practice and all those other memes that social media says forgiveness is. Does anyone ever really master the art of forgiveness? (Okay, probably maybe some). And surely I’ve forgiven plenty in my life – people, situations, entities, myself. You kind of have to, in order to survive or stay sane. But true letting go, in any situation (even getting to the relaxation point on vacation takes me days), is difficult for me. I try and I try, but where I get stuck is the mental tug-of-war of what is and what should be and that part of forgiveness is hard for me to wrap my head around. Maybe it’s an INFJ thing (or maybe it’s just me).

7)  I still want to learn Italian.

Ever since I picked up a set of learn Italian books and tapes from the library before my (third?) trip to Italy, I fell in love with the language and it was the first time I felt I might actually be able to learn a language (I have struggled with both German and French). That was over 15 years ago and I’ve searched for the same set of language books, but I don’t think they make them anymore and nothing I’ve picked up comes close. OR I’m using that as an excuse. It is still a dream and a goal of mine and I hope that I can push through whatever obstacle is keeping me from diving in head first and make it happen.

8)  I’m obsessed with my ancestors.

Someone recently showed me these two photos of my grandmother and her mother that I don’t recall seeing before, and I can’t stop looking at them. I want to ask them so many questions. I want to know everything. I want to go back in time and spy on their lives.

9)  Photography terrifies me.

Another love-hate relationship. Same with performing. When I was in the band, I hated the idea of going to a gig. Loathed. But once I got there, it was the best thing ever, completely zen, completely in love with the moment, completely euphoric afterward. I absolutely love taking pictures, finding the zone, but when I have an assignment, for some reason I am completely terrified until I upload the photos on my computer and then it’s (usually) all worth it. Maybe it’s like that with everything creative (or maybe it’s just me).

10)  What is my deal with true crime?

Why?!?!?! It’s so awful. Horrible subject matter, super disturbing, keeps me up at night and makes me hate mankind. And yet I watch the documentaries – “The Staircase,” “The Innocent Man” – my first podcast listen was “Dirty John” (thanks for the rec, Liz!) and next on my list is “The Case Against Adnan Syed” (however, the really crazy ones like the recent Manson movies, I won’t watch or I will never sleep.) I do love a good British-style murder mystery and I just got through reading “Magpie Murders” which was pretty entertaining, but those are fiction and wrap up nicely at the end, which is so much better for my psyche, so why I can’t just stick with those I do not know.

11)  I can’t decide what to do with my hair.

Because it’s now 10:45pm and it’s taken me just as long to write this @#$)(*% list than it does to write my normal monthly list and I cannot think of another thing. So hair. I want to chop it all off because I think my face wants short hair. But the rest of me wants long hair and I’ve been trying to grow it out for almost two years and to just end it all now after all that work seems wrong. And how many more years can I pull off long hair anyway? Not many. So shouldn’t I wear it long while I can? But when it’s long, I end up putting it in a ponytail, so what’s the point? The struggle is real.

Also I tried to find a photo of my beautiful long hair (back when I had long hair) and this is the best one I could find. No lie. Sad.

12)  Potato chips.

I love potato chips so much and I would eat them every day if they weren’t so bad for my body. Not that I’m even super healthy, I just know things would get out of hand if I allowed myself to eat the amount of chips I want to eat. My favorite are probably Kettle brand sea salt dipped in sour cream. The best. I have Cape Cod something or other potato chips in the cupboard right now and I might have to eat a handful in honor of this last list item.

Also, life is too short for a lot of things. So many things that I could have brought up instead of potato chips. But it’s late and I’m on vacation and trying to get vacation-like, so potato chips it is.

I leave you with a snapshot of my kayak ride tonight. I’ll be on the water again tomorrow morning, getting zen, thinking deep thoughts and also trying not to drop my oar every time a deer fly comes along.